Friday’s Rant

Headaches.  I am so very sick of headaches.

I’m tired of feeling as if someone’s squeezing my temples.  Or occasionally stabbing in the middle of my head.  Or the light-headedness that hits me two or three times a day.  Or even the dull pain near my eye that feels like someone’s pushing a roll of coins into my flesh.  But I’m really tired over the fact that the best medical advice I can get – other than load up on various pain medications – is to sit and wait.  That’s right: “We can’t do anything until something happens.”

I get different diagnoses:  High blood pressure is the culprit.  No, you’re possibly diabetic.  Uh, no; it’s got to be depression.  Migraines?  Tension headaches?  Maybe you’ve got a bad pillow?

Maybe one of these is correct.  Maybe none of them are.  My physician thinks it’s as simple as taking an aspirin and knocking off for a couple of hours.  But that brings me to yet another issue:  I’m not just figuratively tired; I’m literally tired.

I’m tired, in part, because I can’t sleep, no matter how many different sleep aids I try.  I’m tired because when I finally do get to sleep, it’s five minutes before morning.  I’m tired of the night paralysis that comes and goes.  If you’ve never experienced it, then don’t: it’s like being buried alive.  Your consciousness is wide awake, but you cannot instruct your body.  You can’t open your eyes.  You can’t move your arms.  You’re wide awake, mind you, and you can’t do a thing until it passes.

And you can’t scream.  I can’t emphasize that part enough:  You. Cannot. Scream.

Night paralysis is one of the most frightening things I’ve ever experienced.  I don’t have enemies, but if I did, I still wouldn’t wish that on them.  Having heard from others on the subject, it’s clear that I’m not alone.  There’s a myth that says you only get them once, and even then in your twenties.  Trust me – that’s not true.

Rant over.

I’m in a bitchy mood this morning, so I apologize for that.  I am very thankful for yet another day, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable.  It’s just that I’ve been imprisoned indoors almost all week because of these headaches, and I really want to go out and about.  I’d made plans to visit one of my favorite hobby shops today, but – perhaps foolishly – I did some late night online shopping.  Found a book that I’d wanted for a very good price (even with shipping, it’s less than cover price – woohoo!), and minutes later, I located an item I thought was pretty cool.  And while I could still go to the hobby store, I’m trying to budget things, so . . . no.  I’ve waited two weeks for this opportunity, but I’m going to let it slip on by this time.  Maybe next week.

The good news (finally) is that it was 55°F when I awoke this morning.  Let that sink in for a second.  Fifty-five degrees . . . in August.  I’d be jumping for joy right now.

If I weren’t so tired, that is.

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